My Story as a Healthcare Facilitator

I believe I have had a strong affinity for natural ways of being since I was little. I only have my own heart mind and spirit through which to view the world, but I would like to think that we all start with that same strength. We love to play, we love to touch, we love to dance and be silly. We are borne to love nourishing foods that come from the Earth. We begin as humble, inquisitive learners and problem solvers who are tirelessly fascinated by our surroundings, infinitely more so when we are surrounded by any facet of nature. We come into the world able to constructively integrate the lessons within our mistakes, and to later make light of what happenstance brought them about.

In my earliest chapters of understanding that I wanted to help others grow and heal in some capacity, I was immeasurably lucky as my journey swiftly led me to remember and acknowledge that those innate human traits are now missing to some degree in most of our adult population. I realized this through recognition that as a young adult I had already been missing out for years on many of these enriching aspects of wholeness. It is a rare and cherished gift I hold near to my heart that I realized so early in life what is most important to me and my human experience. Rarer still than feeling like something is missing is to stumble into the right people, places, and circumstances to learn to take these gaping holes in our lives and fill them with our own love to the extent that they begin to heal, despite how much it may hurt at times.

Just how much work stored within our bodies that comes rising up once we give the signal that we are willing to change is not often spoken of. I believe adaptive states of mind are the prerequisite to remembrance, healing, and a return of wholesome living toward purpose. They come when we relentlessly question what we think we know and think to be real. If the ways we learn to live as we are raised cause us to end up living in a halfhearted state of forgetful malaise or disease, then surely they must be challenged for the truths all humans are born with to resurface. The secret here is that the sheer volume of harmful facsimiles of truths we are trained to live by in the infancy of our youth can be unfathomable. We only know their number in retrospect, and for that experience to be made, leaps of faith need to become commonplace.

Once aware of the job at hand, its up to us to look within for the source of our own health and well being. We can very easily dip a bucket down into the well of our subconscious, our anatomy, our physiology, our purpose and draw up a sample whenever we so choose. The more we dip our buckets into the well, the more naturally curious we become. Our desire to know when we may get some sense of its depth comes to mind. Thing is, that sucker is deep. Sometimes we would never find out how deep it goes without climbing down there ourselves and hope to be standing on the bottom at some point, lest we end up treading water and praying for someone to save us.

I have been in both situations. I surely have stood on a well bottom or three within what was perceived as a center of the essence of my Being. I have also had that floor give way. I have had moments I thought I would surely drown, without a hope that salvation would be swift enough to hold me above the weight of my own depths. However, each time I have either had my world give way beneath me or willingly chosen to leap in search of a new world within, the result has been the same. Sometimes through crisis and cataclysm, others through rapture and bliss, maybe sometimes a little of both, I’ve come to know that whenever humans really Let Go, life becomes more beautiful. We are always saved.

When we let go, Health has more room to be expressed. Whether it’s generational trauma, physical toxins, inflammation, beliefs of how things should be or who we think we are, everything dropped that isn’t essentially part of us makes for a brighter life. Vitality shines through. I know sometimes it takes months or years of surrender in our suffering for these outcomes to unfold. I have been there. But they do inevitably arrive. We arrive at them. We are rewarded for allowing ourselves to be present in the observation of events that cause parts of us to die. This is a scary place to be. It feels like we are at an actual risk of dying. I can say the only parts that do wither away only serve us so long as they bring the message that they don’t fit into our futures anyway. To identify with the images and fixations of the past is to hold a vision of the future weighed down by unessential distortions. The world doesn’t end.

Having accepted the responsibility of Self Actualization through this way of surrender, I have walked through many threshold events in my short time here. I have been incredibly blessed by having people take part in my life who have themselves been through such a process and who have been there to lead me through my own Initiations. And so I have been enacted by allowing who I was to die; The passionate intellectual upstart with an unshakable work ethic and ineffable thirst for knowledge needed to be sacrificed. The kid who sought his pedigree as a young professional, who wanted to help others get healthy because it felt important, was actually someone in dire need of love and attention. He thought he could get it through procurement of labels and certifications, through association with people in ‘high places’, through ambitiously striving for extreme athleticism, collegiate degrees, and authority status. Really all the while he was just starving for outward acceptance. The cycles of this theme ultimately caused me to become very physically ill.

Only through a deepened understanding of the underlying current to this story did I arrive at an actual ability to heal. I would only come to serve other people and help them get well once the reasons for my own distortions were addressed. For me it took a giant regression into a state of crisis - where learning, experimentation, and applied knowledge became radically important simply for survival, rather than for the sake of status. I would need to allow the knowledge I had hoarded to give way. I needed to make room for Wisdom, at whatever a pace as my ego and my energy levels would allow.

What came to be was a chapter of opening, of attunements and arrivals at higher degrees of free and clear expression. I went through a years-long series of initiations where chasing Mystery became a way of life. The ways I was meant to express my truest self, and the ways I could really be on-purpose would come to regularly reveal themselves to me. Sometimes this happened in tremendous amounts all at once, while my daily experience was at the least akin to a small trickle unfolding into new degrees of self awareness.

I live a life now of unity and community, rich with motion and work-rest balance. Each day is a coming home to a place of service, having enacted a wholesome enough way of life for myself in enough ways and for enough time to be able to offer the fruit of my experience from an embodied state. To share wisdom passed down to me by others living in such a way for themselves, from my heart… Not from longing for some sort of status or as an occupation or as a way to be comfortable in life, but as an authentic offering in my rightful place of service because I am comfortable in my body, in my life, with my story, and all its romance, all its catastrophe, all its laughter, all its loss… I know no greater blessing. For I know what it was all for, and I fully remember what it feels like to be a human who gains loving kindness through the transformation and integration of all gifts borne from looking within.

I remember how to play. I remember my love for touch, for silliness, for sound. I remember my natural state of inquisitive observation and exploration. I remember how my senses are magnified by nature and in holding space in communion with fellow humans. I Remember; and it’s why I am so passionate in helping others to remember their own natural disposition. As interference is allowed to fall away, I am witness to the unfolding of an evermore beautiful life. I am forever grateful to be enabled in humble service as a healthcare practitioner who through loving guidance, aides others in seeking the unique hidden fruit which lies waiting within their own stories.